The Archies In Bodom After Midnight
by OZ7UP
Summary: First, it was a 1980's R'n'B one-hit wonder. Next was a well-known Britney Spears song. Now Alexi "Wild Child" Laiho is going to cover The Archie's greatest hit! One shot feat three of the Archies and Children Of Bodom. Rated T for language.


**Disclaimer: I do not own The Archies; ACP does. I also do not own Children Of Bodom aka the Hate Crew; not only do Alexi, Roope, Jaska, Janne and Henkka own their own selves, they will also own me at the instruments that they play (not that I play the drums or the keyboard). Lyrics are from the song "Living Dead Beat" from the CoB album "Are You Dead Yet?". The title is a play on "Bodom After Midnight", one of the Hate Crew's more well-known songs.**

_Summer 2008  
Espoo, Finland_

Alexi Laiho was in a stump. As front-man and lead guitarist of the Finnish melodic death/black metal band, Children Of Bodom, and as a self-proclaimed "Wild Child", he should have thought of something unusual to use as a B-Side to the re-recorded single "Tie My Rope" from their latest album, "Blooddrunk".

The Wild Child had decided on covering an existing song, but his main problem was that he did not want to cover an existing heavy metal song, like the band did for "Aces High" by Iron Maiden, but wanted to take a non-metal song and then make it sound brutal. Unfortunately, the band had already covered a Creedence Clearwater Revival song for the album, and had already gone all out on a brutal cover of a particular well-known Britney Spears song for their previous album. Even Alexi himself had contributed a heavy metal version of a 1980's RnB one-hit-wonder on his keyboardist's side project back in 2005.

Resigning himself to going ahead without the B-Side, Alexi decided to prepare some tea to keep himself awake for an extra round of shredding practice. It was only when he was looking for the sugar he needed to truly sweeten the tea when the idea hit him like a ton of bricks.

"Henkka," the Wild Child called out. "What's the fucking area code for Riverdale, America?!?"

* * *

_Somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean_

"So, Archie, let me get this straight," Jughead said. "Some heavy metal band wants to cover a non-metal song to use as a B-Side to one of their upcoming singles, and the front-man just happened to choose our hit 'Sugar Sugar'?"

Archie sighed. The redhead had already lost count of how many times he had to explain the situation to his ever-hungry best friend. Sure, Jughead was highly intelligent, but the hugest surprises in the world could easily change that. "Yes, Jug, that's the whole situation. Betty, do you mind reading the letter again?"

"Sure!" Letter in hand, the blonde cleared her throat before proceeding to read the letter.

Greetings from Finland, 

My name is Henkka T. Blacksmith, the bassist for the Finnish heavy metal band 'Children Of Bodom'.

The band has a new album out called "Blooddrunk", and we are planning to release a third single from

it, which is a re-recorded version of one of our own songs, "Tie My Rope". We, the Hate Crew, have been known to cover songs to use as B-Sides for our singles, and have gone as far as to cover a particular Britney Spears song. 

Our front-man, Alexi Laiho, had decided to cover your greatest hit "Sugar Sugar" after several weeks of deliberation. We have already recorded a cover for it, and we are personally inviting you to Finland to give your opinion of it.

We have chartered a plane for especially for you to fly to the city closest to Lake Bodom, which is where we will meet you. Do consider taking up this offer to give your opinion – heavy metal is not as unpopular as you think it is, and you will gain a lot of heavy metal fans who would then be interested in surf/garage rock songs.

Thanks and regards.

P.S. Is it just me, or is the town of Riverdale simply that hard to locate?

"Well, you know what they say," Archie started up after Betty finished the letter. "Any publicity is better than no publicity. We should probably get the band's autographs for Reggie and Ronnie too. It's a shame that they had to attend summer tuition classes…"

* * *

_Espoo_

"I can definitely see why they told us to pack lots of warm clothing!" Jughead exclaimed. "Even if it's summer up here in Finland, the Arctic cold will still getto you!"

The trio had, upon checking into their hotel, changed and made their way to the Lake Bodom area on the outskirts of Espoo. The letter that Henkka had sent said that the band had prepared a mobile studio at the place where they had gotten their name from, and it was at this studio that Archie, Jughead and Betty would hear the cover of "Sugar Sugar".

Unfortunately, the studio could not be accessed by vehicles, so the trio had to 'bush-bash' their way to its location.

"Well," Betty huffed. "We definitely could use the workout, though." Looking at the map, she continued. "We just need to head north-east for another fifteen hundred meters. Juggie, could you lead the way?"

The ever-hungry teen took a look at the compass before leading the trio on. "No worries. Let's just hope we can get there soon. Even if the sun's still out, night time in this forest definitely gives me the creeps. You might not see ghosts out in daylight, but you can still hear 'em…"

* * *

"_Guys,_" Alexi told his bandmates. "_I've got a good feeling that this meeting is going to go well, but we'll really want to impressThe Archiesby doing a small performance for them._" After pausing to consider his options out of an already impressive song list, the Wild Child turned to the keyboardist. "_Janne, program your keyboard for the effects we used on 'Are You Dead Yet'. We'll be performing four songs from that album._" 

Facing the rest of the band, Alexi barked out. "_'Living Dead Beat' in two minutes, muthafuckers! Crank the amps up!_"

* * *

The trio was a kilometer away from the studio when they started hearing what they thought was a non-physical rumbling. 

"What could that be?" Archie started. "I can feel something building up and yet I can't feel it."

Betty strained her ears carefully and pointed towards the direction they were headed towards. "I'm not too sure, Archie," she said, "but it's starting to get louder…"

A simple melody started up. "Sorry guys, but I think I'll sit this one out!" Jughead exclaimed. "That's one scary tune!"

"Jughead!" Archie cried out. "We're almost there, for crying out loud! Get off your ass and get moving now! We're almost there for crying out loud!"

"But…" Any protest that Jughead tried to make were stifled as both the redhead and the blonde started dragging him towards the meeting point. The trio started wincing as the melodic sound got louder to the point where it sounded as though there were two guitars chugging out brutal riffs while retaining some sort of melody.

"Sure, it's getting louder, Juggie," Betty attempted to comfort the struggling teen, "but it's nothing to be afraid…"

"Whoah!" Archie suddenly shouted out. "Can you hear that?" As the trio strained their ears, they started making out what appeared to be song lyrics. The words, while done in what they thought was a really rough, guttural voice, were in English, and the trio could make out what they thought was a verse.

**Once again waiting for the darkness, beat up  
Spun and scarred. Prepare for another war.  
Day by day we decay. Sunlight, get out of my way.  
Dig up yourself from your grave.**

The words, at this point, had started to affect Betty. "Y'know, Archie, I'm sure the band would understand if we told them we got scared off by a rumbling ghost song…"

"Not you too, Betty…" Archie sighed. "Fine, I'll go on ahead." As Jughead and Betty walked back towards where they came from, Archie shouted out. "I'll just see you guys back at the…"

This time, it was the chorus that finally scared Archie off. As he finally caught up with the other two, Jughead asked. "Alright, Mr. I'm-Not-Scared, just what did you hear that scared you off?"

After catching his breath, Archie started. "I think it went along the lines of…"

**Not afraid of crying, sorrow and foe.  
Not afraid of falling down below.  
To the night, recklessly we fly.  
Like living dead, we'll never die.**

Not a single word was said as the trio contemplated the possibility that the band had been killed horribly between sending the letter and the arrival of The Archies, and that the band's ghosts were now performing their own send-off song to wherever they were destined to go.

"You don't think…"

"I'm thinking it…"

"LET'S JUST GET THE HECK OUT OF HERE!"

Archie and Betty did not need any further encouragement from a very frightened Jughead.

* * *

When The Archies failed to show up, Alexi shrugged it off, raising the possibility that the trio could not find the necessary path to reach the studio and had backtracked back to the city. In their usual gung-ho manner, the Hate Crew released the re-recorded "Tie My Rope" single with the unedited "Sugar Sugar" cover. 

Needless to say, the public loved it.

The Archies themselves were also stunned when their shows started attracting metalheads who had enjoyed the "Sugar Sugar" cover and were converted into enjoying the occasional campy surf/garage rock. The biggest surprise for the quintet, however, came not in the form of expensive custom-made instruments that started showing up on their doorsteps, but in the form of a letter from one very alive Henkka T. Blacksmith.

Greetings, 

I hope you'll use these instruments to blow away the garage rock industry; show the naysayers out there that, like metal, surf and garage are not dead!

By the way, I figured out why you did not show up. Was our practice session at Lake Bodom really THAT loud?

After reading the letter, Archie looked up with a shocked expression on his face before asking:

"What's the loudest we can crank our amps up to?"

**A/N: The italics used in Alexi's pre-warm-up prep-talk is the English translation of what he would say in Finnish.**


End file.
